Darker Than Black
by empty dialogue
Summary: Sasuke doubts, angsts, and rips up letters the night he leaves to join Orochimaru. One shot. Fluff, angst, and shonen-ai.


**A/N**:This is my first serious attempt at getting rid of some severe and very lengthy writer's block.  
It takes place the night Sasuke leaves to go join up with Orochimaru's freaks.  
Totally fictional, this part.

_I haven't thought about what I'll do if I don't reach my goal in a long time now. It would be a flat out lie to say I always made sure nothing would hold me back.  
Ever since Itachi_ – That line was scribbled out.  
_ Ever since I was a child what I've had to do has been set out before me. It's always been hanging there, like a dark cloud, but that day darkened my life so much, one cloud – you can't make black blacker. That is honestly what I thought until I saw light. When I met you, well it took a little while… We hated each other at first, do we still? I sympathized with your upbringing, or lack of one, I truly did. You were so annoying though… Naruto, did I hurt you? Because, Naruto, I love you. But Naruto… I'm sure you'll hate me now.  
_  
Sasuke got up from the desk he had been writing at and paced the empty apartment, his fingers fidgeting nervously with the letter in his hands. At first glance one could tell that the apartment was most certainly not Sasuke's. Empty containers of instant ramen were overflowing in the garbage can, and if one had cared to look in the refrigerator they might have noticed the milk was two weeks past due. But the Uchiha seemed too lost in thought to be bothered by this. At long last he stopped his seemingly perpetual pacing and placed the crumpled piece of paper on Naruto's bed. Sasuke stood for a while; brows furrowed, and then snatched the letter back from the comforters, blushing furiously. _Not_ on the bed, _no_. Wasn't that a bit _too _suggestive?

For about ten minutes after that Sasuke tried various locations around the place. The dresser, the desk, taped to the door, perched on the windowsill. Finally the Uchiha carefully reread the now very crumpled piece of paper. He stood very still for a few minutes, as if digesting what he had just read, and then deftly tore it up and pocketed the pieces. It was no good. It filled him with so much doubt he wanted to go to Kakashi at that very moment and demand the Jounin make sure he never leave Konoha again. If he abandoned his mission… Decided not to take the path he knew he must take… For what reason was he taking this path? It was more than honor. Sasuke had never cared about honor. It was revenge. It was for the pain his parents had endured, how he'd suffered. And Sasuke was willing to suffer more if that's what it took. When you're life's this dark, well, you can't make black much blacker.

_Naruto –  
I haven't thought about what I'll do if I don't reach my goal in a long time. If I abandon my mission… Decide it's best not to go that way… But I can't stand to think about that. I can't stand to float in uncertainty, in a dark hell where my existence means nothing. It's better to keep struggling towards a goal I don't know is right and I'm not sure I can handle than live a useless existence and…_

And?

_…let bastards get away with murder._

This letter took its final resting place in Sasuke's pocket as well. The Raven glanced at the clock on Naruto's kitchen wall. He'd wasted an hour and fifteen minutes here, at the apartment of the boy he loved. He should get going, he knew he should, but Sasuke found his feet carrying him towards Naruto's bed, independent of all logic. "Damn feet," he mumbled, and lay himself down on Naruto's bed. Sasuke closed his eyes and tried to soak in Naruto's smell. It was the spicy smell of ramen, the bitterness of sweat, of the outdoors, of determination. It was the soft curve of Naruto's face, the way his golden hair bounced as energetically as he did, how his foolish dreams mirrored his innocence, and Naruto's deep inner sadness that gave him the sense of justice he had. His constant chatting, the voice Sasuke hated to hear, yet he feared he would go mad without the dobe always yelling in his ear. Oh, they juxtaposed so nicely.

In the end it was not a letter that was left in Naruto's apartment. The garbage hadn't been taken out, although Sasuke was very clean, or the milk replaced. The bed looked exactly as it had before Sasuke had allowed himself a few minutes to regret. No, nothing obvious had been changed, but when Naruto got into bed that night he realized the picture frame on his nightstand had fallen over forwards. He reached out a hand and righted it so he could see the photograph. Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan and himself smiled back at him, glittering in the moonlight streaming from the open window.

In the lower left corner of the frame a frowning Sasuke stood, bathed in shadow.


End file.
